A Woman Marries A Man In European/Christian Tradition, Man Marries A Woman In Igbo/African Traditions – The Fallout

Ephesians 5:31 of the Christian bible states, "…a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is purely a European tradition.

Therefore, if a man leaves his father and mother to join his wife, it invariably means that he has left his father's house to go and live with his wife in her own house. The woman has married him.

But in Igbo/African tradition, it is the woman who leaves her father and mother to join her husband, and the two will become one. 

Hence, it is the man who marries the woman. This particularly makes sense considering that Ephesians 5:23 states: "For the husband is the head of the wife…”

So if the husband is the head, it is reasonable to assume that the subordinate will have to join the head in his own house. Or could someone be the head of another person's house?

However, in Europe, marriage starts when a man proposes to the woman, though this trend is changing now as some women have begun proposing to men. The man is expected to kneel to propose marriage. If the woman accepts, the next thing will be the marriage ceremony.

It is similar to African tradition. The man makes the marriage proposal, but will never do that on his knees. He is the head; why should he then kneel for his wife? Instead, it is the wife who kneels during the introduction of her future husband to her extended family. 

She kneels to take a cup of wine from her father, then kneels to present it to her future husband. This is a symbolic way of explaining/introducing her future husband to her family.

The only time that the husband kneels is after accepting the cup of wine from his wife, and in the presence of his father-in-law, he kneels together with his wife and drinks the wine. 

This is also a symbolic way for the man to formally ask the bride's father for permission to marry his daughter.

Thereafter, the husband is told what it will take to make the woman his wife. He will have to pay the dowry, settle all entitlements due to every segment of the community, and bear the full cost of the traditional wedding ceremony, etc. 

Afterwards, he can proudly call himself a married man. Thence, he'll own the bride and her belongings, including any child she had out of wedlock, if the man wishes.

Unlike in African tradition, it is the bride's family that caters to the cost of the European/Christian wedding ceremony. That means the bride's family is marrying the man, which contrasts with African tradition. As it is said, 'who pays the piper calls the tune'. 

So the man is taken to a church or to a marriage registry, where he is the first to say 'I do', the first to sign the marriage register, and the first to ‘tie the nuptial knot'; at this point, the man is entirely tied.

In the end, the marriage certificate will be handed over to the wife, signifying that henceforth, she owns the husband - after all, he has left his father's house to join his wife. 

Everything that the husband owns from now on belongs to the wife. If there's a divorce, the woman is very likely to have custody of the children and keep the family home, even though the man bought the house.

While in an African wedding, during divorce, it is the man who gets custody of the children and the family home because the woman left her father's house to join her husband. 

Now, she has to go back to her father's house, which she left in the first place. But there's a catch here. The tables can turn if the woman had played a good wife to her in-laws before. 

Smart wives play this card. And thus, the husband will find it very difficult to divorce the woman, unless she wants it. As the husband's family will always protect 'a good wife' - not even a second wife would be allowed, even though the man is entitled to it in African traditional marriage. 

It is pertinent to differentiate the African traditional wedding ceremony from the European Christian wedding ceremony. It is evident that most African men don't fully realise the implications of being involved in a Church or registry wedding – you are married by your wife in this instance. 

And by doing so, your marriage is governed by European law, which serves as the basis for all African civil law.

Nevertheless, an African traditional wedding is regulated by customary laws. And customary law is recognised by the Nigerian constitution if you live in Nigeria. 

However, it is usually the wives who request church/registry weddings, perhaps because they know that their rights are well protected under English law. But their husbands oblige them, believing that it is the only way of proving their marriages before the law.

Your African traditional wedding is conducted in accordance with the customs and traditions of the people, which are enforced by the customary courts. And the customary courts are recognised by the constitution. 

All you have to do is register your traditional wedding at your local government council, and a conventional marriage certificate will be issued. 

By doing so, it becomes searchable and verifiable by interested authorities. It will serve the same purpose as the marriage certificate issued by a Church or a Marriage Registry.

As an African, now that you know the difference between an Igbo/African traditional wedding and a European Church/Registry wedding, would you want to marry your wife or allow your wife to marry you? 

For your information, if your marriage is contracted under both customary law and English law, English law prevails. 

The decision is yours.

~liberate your mind